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This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

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“Mr. President, a second bullet bill has hit the tower”

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Princess Peach is everything. He’s just Mario.

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Illuminations best movie and it still sucks

Review by Karsten ★★★

not a single mario golf scene smh

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Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he's thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance


I believe it was Kant who said "Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." Mario exhibits experience by cruising turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating "Lets-ago!" Keep it up, baby!


When Mario leave his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Mario as a hero but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind, Perchance

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If you pay extra close attention, you’ll notice that the title of the film is a reference to the Super Mario Bros. video game series

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It’s a mid

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🎶🎶peaches peaches peaches 🎶🎶🎶🎶

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By and large, it’s at least a solid movie, but it’s hard to not feel immensely disappointed.

It moves insanely fast, sacrificing any ounce of storytelling in favor of Easter eggs, gags, and nostalgia. It’s kind of shocking how little time the movie spends trying to make us care about these worlds or characters and it doesn’t help that beside Jack Black (the easy MVP), everyone else seems to phone it in. 

But even if it flounders at the basic foundation, it’s still fun? Looks good, some of the jokes hit well, and I enjoyed a lot of the action sequences. There’s a particular nihilistic side character that had me in stitches.

Am I blinded by own adoration for the Mario Brothers franchise? Likely. But presumably that’s going to be the case for 90% of the people who will see it this weekend.

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this movie is fucking perfect if you're in the 20 year old virgin nintendo gamer demographic (me)

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you will think about 9/11 at least once during this film