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It’s probably the most predictable script you will ever witness. But also it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen where a woman with a fake pregnancy belly does it with a guy wearing oven mitts and a sleep mask. You know you’re curious now. You’re like: “this movie has an average rating of 1.9 stars on Letterboxd but also Andrew mentioned oven mitt sex.”

Good job at boats, Moana.

Me in the late 20-teens: I wish they could find someone else other than Lin Manuel Miranda to score an animated movie.
Me in late 2024: I wish they wouldn’t let anyone other than Lin Manuel Miranda score an animated movie.

Fuck this movie for making me feel things.

It tried to teach me things, but I’m smarter than that. Strike heroic arm-crossed pose. End review.

I feel like maybe it was written by AI, but it was still fun.

I tooted a lot while watching this movie. It was great. You had to be there.

Dances With Wolves but literal you guys. Incredibly beautiful.

Cute! But also it’s just Freaky Friday.

There’s still only one Beetlejuice; I don’t get it.

The only good movie about a rat who becomes a chef.

A shrug in fish form.

The main character of the movie is Meh. This review is not a joke.

Who knew the Angry Birds were going to be a mouthpiece of the anti-colonialism movement.

Still wild they made a whole movie out of this book.

Who knew grasshoppers were such assholes.

This movie just gave me more questions about how monster society functions.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Fun!

Classic. Flexing bicep emoji.

Watched on Sunday January 1, 2023.

Fish are friends, not food.

Aww good job at sequel, Ellen.

What an awkward mess.

Jennifer Connelly though.

Nope.

Watched on Wednesday January 1, 2020.

They did the impossible and made Venom not cool.

Should we thank or curse this movie for proving superhero films can be marketable?

So much fun and so much cringe and so much fun.

Watched on Monday January 1, 2018.

Fun I suppose. But not sure Chris Pratt was there yet.

More action! More fun! More Evangeline Lilly! Roughly the same amount of Paul Rudd!

Paul Rudd! Low stakes! Fun!

Wait is she just Marvel Superman?

So fun!

So many Spider-mans!

Nothing feels as good as the final battle of this movie. Not even like…a really good sandwich.

They made it so hard to like this movie, but I still did.

I felt like Rian Johnson just wanted to fuck with the audience. But why make a movie like that.

Oof. At least Hans shot first, I guess.

I know it’s just a re-skin of the original, but I love the cast too much to care.

If you think this is the best Star Wars movie, you should buy me a drink and explain why. Then you should buy me a second drink and explain a second time because I wasn’t listening the first. Then we can hug because we are best friends now. But I still don’t think this is the best Star Wars movie.

If they ever invent technology that lets you forget certain things, I would choose to forget the first half of this film.

The best of the prequels is also the most forgettable. Not sure what that means.

Pod racing is everything. If only acting was also a thing.

Kind of incredible that by the end of this movie the aliens start to seem human. But other than that the movie is just an incredibly beautiful hack job.

Michael Bay does history! Except it’s mostly just Michael Bay.

So wild that the last samurai was a short American dude.

Yo all you need to do to learn a new language is sit around a fire with a bunch of Vikings long enough.